Friend-zoning Women for Once w/ Matt Banwart - Gorcast Podcast | Ep. 61

GORCAST Podcast with Taylor Gorman - Episode 61

In this episode of GORCAST Podcast with Taylor Gorman, we sit down with Matt Banwart, a Stand Up Comedian in Austin Texas. Taylor and Matt discuss "Brain-rot" memes, and putting ladies in the friend-zone.

Follow Matt here: https://www.instagram.com/matt_banwart/

Tune in as Taylor Gorman, vocalist of the touring metal band BYSTANDER, brings his unique perspective and passion for deep conversations to this engaging discussion. Whether you're a fan of music, comedy, or just love hearing from people who do cool sh*t, this episode is packed with valuable takeaways.

Don't forget to like, comment, and subscribe for more episodes of GORCAST!

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Transcript:

Video title: Friend-zoning Women for Once w/ Matt Banwart - Gorcast Podcast | Ep. 61

Video URL: https://youtu.be/BGRqn6H379I?si=LCkpzCktnYS0HQkJ

Video language: English (auto-generated)

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forast you are listening to gcast you idiot going are we dude Squad are we live all right hey drop some W's in the chat W's in the chat Ohio did I just raise you up in Ohio yeah dude oh dude that goon language is crazy what I started doing on stage I just got back this was a it was a longer set I did in Cincinnati and like five different occasions I set went just I kept like I keep being like sh be like yo ice in my [ __ ] veins like I don't know why why how did that go over with the crowd they loved it cuz you do it once it's like cool and then you just like keep like at random times I started doing it I'd be like and it just turns into a Family Guy joke yeah yeah just with when he like hold his leg Yeah Yeah but every time like something cool happened I just be like sick you guys like that joke sick dude yeah if I got a big break I started doing that like during like big pops it's so bad it's so insufferable but it's such like a dumb silly thing to do be like oh you like that yeah you like that ice in my [ __ ] veins dude what is that from dude making y'all chuckle oh my God I don't know it's from somewhere I don't know where I got it from it's like the thing people used to do it's like I think used to like good like it's what it is is it's quintessentially like one of those things that was like tough in Hood where it' be like you know like [ __ ] and like Suburban white kid stting doing it now it's like like lame that's the same thing as the the exactly or it's like but it used to be like like ice in the veins or like shooting up like that's cold bro yeah like I got ice in my [ __ ] veins cold Yeah okay or a reference to shooting up heroin or whatever I don't know where does this [ __ ] I just language come from where does all the the what is it called brain rot where does where does the brain rot [ __ ] come from dude I'm so deep into brain w rot dude then can we talk about that I lit I literally started talking like like the brain w oh my God wait let me introduce you let me introduce you really quick root brain Ro I keep saying I keep saying brain w I got I got I got my my brain is wed I rted back to a a mere 12 Monon old you're fried by the internet dude I stand up I'm just wearing a diaper I'm sorry I cannot comp complex sentences anymore welcome back to the gorast you guys uh we got my buddy here Matt bwart is that you say your last name bwart bwart bwart Bart good I like that okay Bart bwart I just like over enunciated man no you're good stand up comedian awesome dude homie and Austin um your your brain is rotten apparently you're a you're a old child dude I'm just this is a quarter life crisis I'm trying I'm trying to be quarter life crisis I'm going to pull up to high school and be like yo kids we chilling or what we acting skiy today homies they're going to be like uh we are now in a lockdown there's a man wearing a diaper running around campus uh do not leave the classroom under any circumstance Fam I'm just trying to goon with you why you Phantom taxing me so tough yeah dude I'm I'm pretty brained as a person dude so where did it first come from is it just memes the brain dude I'm so deep into brain rot I'm watching videos where halfway through they'll start speaking in mandra and then they'll go back to brain rot what like dude I'm deep on the brain rot Trail you have one that you can send it's airdrop a link to uh the I'm an Android guy that's that's how rotted my brain is bro dude I swear to I had an iPhone a month ago then and then I started watching these memes and I have a Google pixel you're just I'm one of eight people with a Google pixel my brains rotted so much go on Instagram and look up Yap DOA d o LA and it's just this it's like the final form of brain R it's like it's like Beyond brain rot you have do you have a specific video U all of them are bad he doesn't have a single this one yeah yeah yeah dude all right just look it up he'll pull it up I've gone like past traditional brain rot now I'm into like my own sort of uh my own sort of Niche brain rot yeah there it is top one fiveish you do you remember one of these we should pick any specific one uh do the uh yeah do the one on the top right it doesn't make sense and then Tony for this just hit the PMP oh dude the audio is not on oh yeah turn it up spacious plant of the genus J of the Jong family and it is similar to the Jong we usually eat I itan is native to Malaysia and used to grow in tropical areas weird foreigners like to use the liquid on it to wash their hair I got it is generally believed that the juice of red ball pulp is a shampoo with ginger flavor but in fact the squeezed water is not the juice of the red ball pulp itself but the rain water they store when it snows when the accumulated water is it will become a ginger flavor all right so we're all think this is this broken like it's this broken AI video weird skip to some other ones they're all bad yeah cut it see sometimes people be like oh my gosh my explore feed is so embarrassing no this is genuinely embarrassing stuff that I watch you're watching this you're like there was nothing cool about what I just showed you yeah well have you seen the like the some he has like bigger like meltdowns or like he'll like have like like he'll repeat like the same thing over and over and over again have you seen the like Fallout ones no dude oh let me show you you've SE or the Skyrim one no I love those hang on yeah yeah broken AI humor has me addicted dude ai's already won the culture War it's over man yeah it's over why dude don't even come to see me live it sucks it's just a AI version of you it's just it's just Yap doll alive why does he start speaking M I don't know what that means I hope it's not like where did these come from these broken AI [ __ ] videos why did brain rot become a thing is it only funny to us cuz we're cynical comedian people maybe maybe I think it's just like I think it's just like I I don't know if it's int it is intentional cuz he's made a video saying that it was intentional but I think it's like it just looks like someone like messed up making like a broken AI video and this guy just kept like making it worse and worse and worse until it made no sense or I think he might be like translating like Chinese videos to English incorrectly or I don't fully understand it either I don't know that was weird so what was that like a [ __ ] plant they were just milking they're just jorking a plant dude yeah they just [ __ ] edging that plant dude hey nothing not a little edgy now yet I'm doing it right now underneath the table I'm sending you uh I'm sending you a link Tony to the MacBook is this it oh yeah there it is yeah here click the sound and the just like refresh order right GED right into that simperial MOG same as us oh yeah bet over there quit yapping back there turn up a little bit and what's got bro down check your Vibes you're yapping at ulrick storm cck oh [ __ ] true short King the true short King ulrick the sigma of Windhelm the sigma of Windhelm you're the leader of the RIS Bellion but if they you on gods where are they Thug shaking us on God General tulus the military gooner and it looks like the th Moore are with him the th elv sus elves they had something to do with this Susy inside I'm sorry all right all right all right finally woke jeez what are you looking okay here it is this is I got to send you this I'm going to send you this I'm going to send you on Instagram then you can share it with him okay this is dude this is the [ __ ] I'm on man I I don't even know if this one's good there's a lot there's a whole page of just you kind of have to redeem yourself after that first one the ab doll no I went deep I went here's the thing I shot I shot at 10 and I'm going to go back to like a on the risk scale here okay these are all pretty bad the it's dude it's like it's these Hood edits of you turn on the audio Yeah you got to be quick about the clicking the audio thing Tony for some feet not just any feet I'm very specific with an on bro I've collected the most Exquisite feet from all over to Earth Kingdom but I just can't seem to get my hands on the magnum opus blind shorty feet content blind ain't no way I'm going to send your freaky ass some feet photos [ __ ] unless you offer me some racks that could be a range for show on bro I got racks all racks all racks but I'm in the ten them H I'm going to be spinning my racks on bro I need a variety on bro not just one gang he ain't getting [ __ ] but I do like racks let me see the bread first what the hell is this my [ __ ] never seen somebody feed this hard for feet pics that [ __ ] crazy gang that's the beginning of it again Jesus Christ it's just D am I am I here I don't know it's so Random that's the thing about all this it's Hood avatar the Last Air vender edits Hood avatar The Last Airbender edits all right I'm going to save that and I'll you guys seen the Halo 2 rain rot one no I dud pull that up some of those are some of them are brain rot some are just Hood edits where just they just like put God my oh no turn that off my my podcast is just getting worse and worse and worse every second dude W dude I'm just kidding dude the brain rot is just I'm sorry dude I didn't I didn't mean to mean to come in so out with ruining a great pod no no I it was already horrible when you got here so you're yeah this is actually maybe maybe now we're on the upswing yeah we're who knows yeah reactors of Kat and I show speed I have brought you the L RZ you may goon Duke Dennis but I and take your bus and G Edge the sigma he's the looks Max has decided to have you gritty down in Ohio and your lrz streamed on Tik Tock but ultimately the terms of your rizing are up to baby grong I'm already rised ski bidy do you know where we're py glitched the Goon Cave of the rizzler quite so here rests the ice spice of the great Riz every rizzler from Ohio to Miller Grove each one's rised up in times of level 10 Prestige yats the rising of Livy dun the grunt mogging if it weren't for the rizzler pizza Tower would have uncanned long ago even oiled up I do not belong as your L Riz and you rightfully edged in Ohio but the looks maxers were overzealous we know you are no Aid in Ross this is the true impostor Among Us one who would AA I got I think you get ITA what it is yeah uh I just don't understand I guess why it's so common nobody can give me an answer of where it came from or no one knows the origin of this meme I don't want to I I think it's just a game of like how much Dumber can we get and so we're just throwing like more and more dumb things like at this Meme and at this point like cuz you know what it is I think people used to hate on stuff and now it's just like no we just we just got to embrace it now we're just going to lean in it you're right because like we used to hate a little bit on like that's so fire yeah you know what I mean like At first whenever these little slangs from the younger generation would come out the older the older generation would kind of be like oh that's what the kids are saying haha and they would use it ironically and then it would become actual like now if you're like dude have you had this burger place pretty fire dude like that's a totally normal thing for pretty much anyone in any age range to say yeah right but it would have been cringe if your mom was like I remember like getting like my parents going like that's fire and we're like oh stop you know what I mean like they were doing it just to bug us well I think it's also like yeah I mean it is shamelessly that it's like we're parody in like the younger generation's humor before they can even like get it though what I like is that instead of like cuz usually what happens is is like the Young Generation will start saying something the older generation like that's dumb and then they'll start like like mocking it like you like your parents be like you're Pokemon man's yeah you kids in your pokemans and you're like okay well it's annoying you don't get it I think our generation we're doing is we're going straight to like making fun of it before ever being like we don't like this we're just going straight to like paring the thing before it can ever become a thing like that's what we're doing to like the Gen Z people right now that'll never be we're never going to say dude like I I loved your set the other night you had a lot of RZ like we're never that's never going to be we're not even we're not even letting it get to that point like like like like we're parting it the second it becomes a thing we're already like making fun of it like we're already being like elz and it's like dude it's it's barely caught on yet do you think the younger generation is having and going to continue to have a harder and harder time to differentiate memes from real life because that's what's happening with like some of the stuff we're already there dude my brain is already rotted I don't I don't know reality from not reality I'm really hard to talk to dude shout out to anybody still listening that made it through the beginning of that [ __ ] podcast dude it's we we had we had to put some background as to how roted my brain was yeah exactly no I I think there's like cuz like even like so like baby grank right he's like this like annoying fifth grader who like his do you know who baby grank is no I don't know any of the Lord behind any of this stuff dude let me explain so baby grank is like it's like this kid who's like pretty bad at football but his dad has made a social media for him it's like clearly comes from a wealthy family okay and his dad has made this social media like my son's the next grank he's the baby GR oh grank is the football player gr's an actual football player but baby grank is like this like fifth grader who like like they put all these like hype tapes out for and like his dad like stages like baby grank hitting on like famous women and he'll like schedule interviews with women and like he'll post photos and be like here's my son baby grank rising up liby dun or whatever and I think the internet like a dad running this profile for this kid oh yeah and it's like really like bad it's like and I think instead of people being like wow this sucks you're ruining your child's life I think they're just like what if we just went alone with it what if like they're looking at everything they're like okay so our options for president are Cala and Trump and and we're giving all our money to Ukraine and they and World War III is on the horizon you know what [ __ ] it [ __ ] it let's let baby grank be a thing yeah [ __ ] I think that's why I think I think as Internet I think cuz I think I think we've seen so many like young people destroyed for internet Cloud at this point like generationally like like there's like we've seen hundreds of them just like kids get destroyed for like the uh uh like the kid that was smirking at the yes the the the Trump rally thing the Trump hat and he had he was smirking at the Indian guy remember that kid yes and then they blew him up and he had to do and like even like the he sued CNN for like $300 million did he make some of it he got all of it oh dude yes yeah so sick it was sick and it started a chain reaction of people suing CNN or like every time like a kid would do something cute they would have to go on like every time a kid did something cute they would go on Ellen and it'd be like Ellen would be like oh like the like like the redhead kid at the St Fair go like actually actually I like this fair cuz actually they're like no I don't remember that dude there's pretty much every viral kid or like the damn Daniel guy or like uh like all those like internet meme kids that we would just like destroy like the hawk yeah yeah that's exactly what yeah Covington kid like in instead of hating them I think everyone in the case of like baby grank they're like man this kid life this kid's life must suck his dad's like trying to turn this s into internet influencer and it sucks instead of being like this is stupid we're just like no dude baby gr's actually so cool yo he's Rising dude what if he was and like like we're just all like pretending to goow on with it cuz we're like his life's already destroyed where did Ohio come from I don't know is he baby grank from Ohio is this all from baby grank we're trying to find the RO gr I don't know the title of this pod is the root of the brain rot the root of the brain rot because we're trying to find I I want to know where the brain rot came from maybe we can look that up in a second what's this say CNN is sett a loss to a Kentucky high school student who was at the center of viral video controversy a spokesperson for the news network confirmed Tuesday no other details blah blah blah but they settled they settled they did settle they made money they made real money 275 million in Damages bada bing that's crazy that you would value your life at that much dude in his last name Sandman oh really Nick Sandman the Sandman dude I hope he starts a rap career or something dude that's a pretty badass got get the Performing Arts of the he's got to be doing comedy what if what if we just saw a guy go on kill Tony he was like by the way I'm that [ __ ] guy from that [ __ ] video and I got 275 mli from CNN [ __ ] that' be cool damages I see I don't know how you can justify two like like 300,000 worth of Damages you know probably because like of all the like man I'm never going to be able to get a job ever again ever yeah or like okay but what makes you think you're going to ever going to have a job worth that much like what if the kid goes up to a janitor and they're like because you can you can do like uh intentional infliction of emotional distress type like weird claims like that there's no therapist that's $300 million no but it could ruin your whole life you could be like I I don't know how they get those figures though you're totally right like how do they like my life is ruined and my life's pretty cool so that's going to be $275 million you're like dude you're lucky your last name is sick as [ __ ] dude you're so lucky you're so lucky dude if you were a bandart you'd get nothing yeah yeah you're a bandart you come from a l line of uh Midwest Farmers yeah we give you uh two hay pennies and a sack of corn best I can do is a 100 bucks like [ __ ] I'll settle out of court exactly you're like you're like well it was a it was a tough it was a tough trial but we made it to a set we came to an agreement' be like this guy I'm sorry s in your defense he has an entire Metallica s named after yeah we had to bring a mediator in but he took the Hunty dude s dude yeah oh my gosh he would be the coolest High School wrestler ever cuz he could walk into like a wrestling match and they he could play Enter Sandman dude D so sick yeah is that S no no yeah it is yeah it [Music] is yeah dude he's the S that's his name take my yeah yeah that's probably they got the valuation there yeah dude yeah what I open come on dude dude you're good let's go dude you you could [ __ ] he he totally could he'd be the sickest he could walk into anything with that yeah they're like sir sir how much is your life valued at and he goes $300 million like sure but before you before you judge me listen to this sick ass track wait a minute should we not be talking about this dude if he's suing everybody that talks of dollars dud can can we go with the I'm judgement proof I have zero [ __ ] dollars dude you can't sue my ass I'm [ __ ] broke yeah in my defense I am not CNN yeah I don't have my platform is not CNN can you sue me for my debt you can sue me I'll give you my debt you know work out in my favor can I get sued and it somehow works out for in my favor that would be great thanks it'd be really cool it'd be really sick can we can we coordinate that someone Nick Sandman if you're if your PR people are listening please go and kill Tony and and do well and then come out to uh inter Sandman when he makes you just act like you're [ __ ] or something you'll be fine oh the dream I can't wait yeah the goal the goal is are you still signing up every week shamelessly d get it dude you're going to get it and you're going to wreck I love it I love you I think it's going to be great I only like like me and I uh I'm hoping for the best you've come a long way from Iowa dude think about that thank you think about that let's talk about that I've never been I've been to Iowa De Moine is Iowa right 515 I've been to De Mo I played a show I played a show with Bourne of Osiris in De Mo on that last tour we went on at the big one of the big venues in De Mo de Mo was cool which was wait no no no no no was that de Mo yeah it was was it a skating rink no no let me look it up again can I say no you know mind I don't want to I don't want to Ru everything good we have gone for us D's a fun city there's like this uh comedian of uh Dustin Nickerson he had like a podcast clip online of him being like I think de MO is just as fun as Austin Texas and I was like yo shout out I was like shout out dude we're better than Austin was it was Dwayne's a fun city I like the city and I like the people of De Mo oh no no no no no no no so we played a routing date by ourselves when we're on our way back home I think in De Mo at Lou Lou L I don't know that one uh but we were playing an uh no I guess that was yeah that was Omaha I was getting it confused the other oh yeah the the other corn State out there or whatever Nebraska nebras Omaha should not be in Nebraska there's been a there's been a movement for a long time that no one's really taken seriously and I want to push it um looking at this camera Omar come to Iowa you're right on the board Annex I want to Annex Omaha into Iowa so bad we'll take the money Warren Buffett lives there we'll take him we'll give you a pro sports team I mean just come to Iowa get the [ __ ] out of Nebraska and have a good time come home come home come on home oh come home yeah I don't remember where we played in De Mo it was like has a dog lefties lefties lefties I know Le we play lefties Le rules rules shout out de Mo I had a great chil latte across the street de Mo rips dude it was cold as [ __ ] there was still snow next to Drake yeah yes I know lefties yeah they that's where I used to do comedy at lefties dude every they do a Tuesday comedy Open Mic at lefties and it was like sick music venue [ __ ] yeah it was cool [ __ ] if you go way back there's photos of me can you pull up pictures of lefties in De Mo the dog died you know no I don't know anything about lefties was a dog that would run around with this Open Mic then and often times ruin it it would often times ruin the [ __ ] Open Mic they they'd have their dog just that's so [ __ ] and Lefty Lefty like Lefty like owned the [ __ ] yeah dude there's the dog there uh on the second row down he's got a little bandage on him D I love I had so much I had so much fun at this venue so Lefty's front left leg is missing which is why they called him Lefty which is mean wait he has both of them there uh that might be just the back leg that's the back legs oh in front right leg he's missing his left leg oh I see I see but Lefty like Lefty he's like standing on the [ __ ] bar it's disgusting so unsanitary so dis yeah there's Lefty Lefty pass rest in peace rest in peace Lefty would run around during the open mic and Lefty would like run onto the stage and like do like Laps on the stage like just ruin your set your set that was already kind of going horribly dude no one was there it was already a bad time and then left you come up and be like you're like so anyway my girlfriend's a [ __ ] and uh I don't and and the dog's just doing tricks and it's missing a leg so you're just like th you have to look at it and you're like oh anytime you see a dog with one limb that's like you're like that dog's killing it that dog's living its life it's still Happ it's about the little things like there's all this lesson that seeing a [ __ ] three-legged dog teaches you in a second well Lefty prepared me for Austin cuz everyone in Austin's like oh we're mad all these crippled people are taking away from us on kill Tony and I'm like dude I'm used to having a crippled take my stage time I'm I'm used to crippled from being the hero of the show okay holy [ __ ] yeah dude I'm Lefty Lefty train you're Lefty trained D like Lefty limbs are deformed and I was like yeah so are all the upand cominging comedians of Austin yeah so are all the most success full Comics here yeah dude have you looked at these rosters yeah that would been you [ __ ] rips though I love lefties lefties live music is an amazing venue in De Mo uh the the staff there is always treated me very actually that's not true I love that the lady the the couple that owns it and runs it they're awesome when I was I started comedy when I was 18 so when I was like 19 and 20 I'd go to lefties and De Moine and the door guy I think the law has changed but bless their soul for blessing the for following the law but the door guy used to walk the at 9:00 you couldn't be in a bar under 21 so I did start the mic 8:55 I would go up first I went first for like 2 years I did the first set every time I went there and then the literally the door guy would stand next to the stage and like grab my arm every time and walk me to the door and I would leave which was kind of a dream because that means I never had to watch the shitty Open Mic wait so you guys weren't allowed to be in there I couldn't be cuz I was under 21 oh I was under 21 I see they didn't just they couldn't just X your hands out or something like they no they had to was like it was like a zoning thing I think the law may have changed one but I would go on at 8:55 and then they would literally like grab my arm and walk me out of the venue every time damn every show crazy it was crazy but I used to have like a terrible fear of opening shows and then in my first like two or three years of Comedy just got rid of it because it was like I had to open every Open Mic so I was like yeah I don't want to go first I don't want to go first and I'm like I'll go and that's what I knew you know that's all I did for the first three years was open every show what really is the difference you have to educate me cuz I'm a new I'm new to Comedy still yeah like what is how do you get used to opening or like what is the difference between cuz opening a show like a metal show kind of sucks it's kind of different but not really I mean your biggest concern is like have people made it through the door cuz at like bigger shows like you know like let's say you're opening for a White Chapel or some big metal band and like they'll put the the show will be at 7:00 they'll put the first person on at 7:30 they're still checking [ __ ] bags and beeping people and [ __ ] and trying to get people's ticket scann sometimes it's that and so like you're kind of Performing while people are walking in and then you're not which is not that bad when you're playing music but it's annoying because you're like the whole point of us being here we're not even getting paid for this this is just like we're this is just exposure time for us you know what I mean we're trying to get we're trying to play in front of all white Chapel's fans or whatever so they can see us we check you out yeah and be like oh cool we have a good local band here or whatever and then when you're not when you're playing D like we played like the big venue one time for sum you remember Summer Slaughter no tour it's like a huge thing that they used to they just brought it back but um it was like the biggest Metal tour of the year extreme Metal tour of the year with like death metal bands and they would uh they put us on at like the biggest the big venue in Portland right and uh huge yeah it was [ __ ] huge it was like 2012 it was like our big one of our big moments at our you know as a local band yeah and then uh we you know we get in there there's like nobody in there and they're like they're like rushing us to get up there no and like we're playing uh it was the most miserable set we BR guitarist my guitarist forgot his guitar it's like the biggest set of his life oh [ __ ] I forgot my guitar luckily we had like a backup guitar because we always bring a backup so we played on a backup and then the string broke on a on the backup guitar and like job for a Cowboys [ __ ] uh guitar tech like [ __ ] Houdini his guitar string in like 2 seconds and fixed it and gave it to him which was cool but anyway it was like they were rushing us we [ __ ] up a bunch and there was like nobody in the room it was like what's the point you know I mean at least there was no at least there was nobody in rooman there was people in the room but like it wasn't the packed room that we had Invision playing to like really killing it in front of all these people in our city so is that kind of similar with or it seems like they call they call it cold opening in standup I think what it is is uh I think there's a level of like um it's like like in in theater there's like a suspension of disbelief right or it's like or it's it's like I think it's like oh time for me to sit down and get used to like the Cadence of a comedy show kind of I think it's just like you just have to get the crowd's like inertia going of like oh now I'm here now I'm sitting down now I'm watching a show you're done with work yeah like for movies they have credits and you kind of get used to watching their credits and then the movie starts and you're like I'm already locked in I it's just getting their attention and being like all right everyone get here and get on the same page so we can start laughing and rolling yeah and some people just can't do that I I me I think it's that I think also like when you're doing a show sometimes people are like I'm here to see the headliner you know I'm here to see Louis CK and they're like annoyed that they have to see 10 minutes of you up top or whatever like you know what if it's a headlining show if it's like you know like the regulars of kill Tony show on Tuesday is a great show I think one time I went there and everyone was like we're here for cam pad or for Cam and Cam's great but when you're on stage they're like God another guy that's not the one guy I came here to see yeah and so I think there sometimes that you have to like fight the uphill battle of like you have to justify why you're there but at an open mic it's just the same as any other set I think some people hope that like maybe later on more people are going to show up at the open mic but from the experience that I've had is the longer open mics go the more people leave yeah so so I think early on you're like oh I want to go later so that way the crowds warmed up but I think you realize as you get more and more into comedy you're like oh there is no going to be no crowd later because we're all bad dude and some of the hosts and I don't want to I'm not going to single anybody out but some of the some of the sometimes the host of the open mic is just oh God just I I get that it's a thankless job it almost makes me want to like be Batman like let me [ __ ] Host this thing there's hundred Comics to get through and you're going up there and it don't don't don't don't try to be funny no just don't even do matal just don't even do material just go up there and try to you know what I mean there's a couple hosts that'll get up there they'll sit on the [ __ ] stool and they'll go dud you're like that's how we all feel we're trying to [ __ ] yeah we don't I also I don't like when the host like like if someone bombs really you get like I think you get like one roast line right and it has to be like a silly it can't be like a hard roast line you have to be like a pretty like throwaway like like if your whole set is about like how like I like I don't I don't want to have sex with my mom I don't want to or something like weird like that you're like that guy wants to have sex with his mom exactly anyway next comic is cool yeah like that like like you get like yeah like you can have like a throwaway line but bring on the next guy pretty quick right I think the best venue for an open mic and I love the V vitao rooms open mic on Thursdays they took a Hiatus for the summer I hope it comes I love it they do it's a mix between uh shotgun style and traditional hosting they host it with a god mic in the back yeah so the second you get off stage they go and up next so and so that's how most of them are here to be honest I love the god mic Open Mic I think is is the best because it's the fastest and there's no pressure the host can't do time because they're just a voice in the back if they have a line they can say it over the intercom but otherwise it's just like and next is this and next is this and I think that's the fastest way to get through miks and I like getting through mics fast yeah so dude something else I just remembered I wanted to talk to you about for was something that we recently experienced and we can ease we can ease into that we can ease into that uh but uh we were we were talking the other night we were at uh we were at the bar and we were talking about Throwbacks the other night oh yeah and just how like how crazy it was that we were listening to like Get Low by Little John at our like and we were just listening and our teachers were like from the window to the wall at my like seventh grade dance we were listening to [ __ ] sweat drop down my balls and it's like yo is this appropriate was that appropriate no dude that whole generation of music was so horny it was so horny dude cuz like it was like the fresh out of like R&B into like early hip-hop was just like devious dude in every song dude and they were just trying to like they were just trying to horny up the youth so bad and they I think I think our generation experienced it like I mean I think every was like every generation is more and more sexualized I think this younger generation is like I think they were like okay we got to dial it back here you think they're going to be more like Evangelical I think they are my little brothers and his friends are like way more um sex is gay dude not even just like like like like tradition they way more like uh they're way more traditional they're way more like dude like my little brother I mean I was I mean I think I told you this but I was talking my little I talking my like my older brother and I and my younger brother all three of us we were talking about like dances my older brother's two years older than me my younger brother's like 5 years six years younger than me and we were talking and my older brother and I were like dude grinding is like CRA like I you know you don't grind in adulthood I thought grinding like when a girl's like gyrating her hips on your penis area ass on your ass on your your hips yeah ass on your hips on hips because like we that's all we did in like middle school and high school was just grind yeah Tony you know about grinding yeah Tony you know about grinding you just and it's dude Tony Tony come on yeah Tony come on dud you're a [ __ ] you're Tony back it up back that ass over back back it up come on now Tony now stop ton damn Tony's getting low right now yeah yeah yeah t you guys can't see this so Tony is just busing it down right now dude yeah he's fully rised up dude he's gooning hard over there um I'm about to break Edge and also the the the male the male part of the male like it's if were going to narrate like a like a dance like that like like [ __ ] uh like like Peter atenor or whatever his name is from [ __ ] from [ __ ] like the documentaries the male seventh grader uh he he's seeking to mount a female cuz that's what it is is the guys just the guys go in there they spot the one they want and they're like all right I'm going to go after Jenny you know what I mean and they just start like gting over so creepily and then they they try to like swing into their Rhythm and then the girl looks over like like e and then if she sees oh my God it's Brandon the hot football player guy she's like yeah you know what I mean but then but then if it's [ __ ] me or like another you know another s she's like uh you know and they just go along to they go along find somebody that that that's why I never went to those really dude when I think about it like in h like I feel like genuinely embarrassed cuz I was so lame and to be the girl has to dance I'm sure you were just like oh God Matt like and I was just like chubbed up a present you know what I mean like that's so like I feel so like every part of it feels so violating and bad his breath smells like cheddar cheese Pringles but everyone was doing it everyone did it like it was the thing that like like it'd be different if it was like it was just me that would be crazy you were a [ __ ] if you didn't do it oh literally be like dude and it and people would be like dude Grand you won't and it'd be like oh yeah watch and then you go do it and then you're were like she didn't like that yeah like so just disgusting and and also like God I'm trying to even think of like if you if you're like popular they would push you into the center and if you were like unpopular like me you would be on the outside being like maybe next Dan I'll find someone to grind with me just drinking that non-alcoholic punch with the boys God damn it so sad so sad ooh another pineapple you're like trying to get the floater dude I didn't drink at all in high school I don't think I did I think I tried it once and then I drank a lot After High School like I tried it once when I was like 16 I tried weed and so much cooler I tried Weed and Alcohol the same night and we like walked to the park and met up with these girls and they had the weed and the alcohol they're like bad girls you know I did it right after I graduated I went to a party like like the day I graduated I went to a party and like drank and I was like yeah baby I can do it now yeah I'm a [ __ ] Drinker now my biggest mistake was not getting a fake ID oh you know what maybe I did actually drink like right before I graduated there was some parties happening and [ __ ] I regardless though I think my little brother was telling me that his generation doesn't grind he was like none of us like he he was grind on each other yeah I don't really know I don't know what they do I don't know he like I cuz it's all that I know they just like do the twist like like it's the 50s I but he was tell me he went to like other high schools and he was like I went to all these other high schools and like none of them cuz he was like he was so much cooler than me so he was getting asked by other you know girls from other schools to go to their dances damn and he was like they don't grind at all at the other schools or our school anymore and I was like no way and he was like yeah dude your generation is freaky as [ __ ] and we all think it like your generation was like weirdest [ __ ] for doing that and that's violative and like weird we it was like you know what it was like Adam taking a bite to the Apple where you realized you had sinned you were like oh [ __ ] that was weird wasn't it like he's like oh dude the snake was [ __ ] right he's like dude my dick is out I didn't even realize until now that's going to be the craziest revelation of all time by the way I think about that my my family's religious so like I'll think of like religious stories all I mean just imagine Adam and Eve didn't even realize they were naked they were like naked's not bad and they took it out of the fruit and they were like bro I should feel bad about my body I should cover up this is nobody wants to see this this my flaccid my flaccid penis in the garden immediately like like before they could process like lying or like death or like any other s they were just like oh God I got to put on pants my [ __ ] looks weird yeah exactly my [ __ ] is not flattering unless it's hard he's like this is not meant to be seen on the rag and Eve's got armpit hair she's not turning me on yeah I'm soft as [ __ ] body shaming was the first sin no one talks about but there immediately cuz before they could process like what even lying was they were just like ah damn it I got to put a leaf or something I got to I don't know what clothes are we have to invent those yet dude but we were at the we were at I don't know if we should say we're I guess we could we were at ms's and hanging out and they were uh they had cleared everybody out of the bar yeah and friends and family hours yeah and there was two there was an old couple left dude do you remember what I'm talking about now oh bro do you remember hang on close your eyes close your eyes close your eyes close your eyes close your eyes ready dude this dude you describe it you describe it better so I turn around there's this couple gray hair wrinkles I don't know how old 60s early 70s guy was older than the woman well when I first sat down they were like they were facing each other kind of like you know kind of like close to the face like like like oh they're really talking they it off and then eventually it goes where she is like 80% off of her chair in his lap she's like straddling him from her bar stool it's like they're facing each other like this and it's if my legs were like up on your legs yeah their legs are like intertwined they're scissoring they're scissoring in their chairs not the club the world Weir in the greatest comedy glove in one of the greatest comedy gloves in the world top five undeniably and he just starts and her legs are like out I don't know what she was wearing but you could see her whole leg and he just starts her 60-year-old cellulite leg she's wearing like a she's wearing something that like like a 20-year-old would wear they're dressed sexy she's dressed sex she's dressed like sexy sex six-year-old go for her he's just hand in her ass palming her palming her ass which is her whole ass is out and she's late 60s and then he just starts and then it's that's not enough like he's so harded up he can't just grab the ass he just starts yeah and well it's like it's those short distance like Pitter patters like like I'm going to take you home yeah yeah yeah that's what it was I can't wait he saying yeah I can't wait to get you home you know he's saying like just slapping her ass at it's crazy cuz I'm facing away from this and I'm like and and I know it's happening and then cuz you can hear an earshot and you're like that's not normal so I turn around I just see that there that he's I see I turn around I see what's going on and then yeah it's just like the rest of night I can't stop hearing and I'm like oh God what's going on what is going on behind me and dude I have I'm sitting across from you this is happening over here behind you I'm sitting directly across from you and basically all that I can see between your head and we were standing with Brent Reed we were hanging out with Brent Reed between your heads all I can see is exactly under the bar where his hand is touching her leg that's all I can see is that hand what a beautiful sight just getting it dude you know what the best part of the situation was was it went on for so long it wasn't it wasn't like we caught a guys slap in his lady's ass once it wasn't like cuz if you catch you guys slapping his lady's ass I don't care what you age are that's cool right but it was like this was going on for an offensively long time uh 20 30 minutes like like too long and the bartenders were like thinking it was funny so they kind of were like just let they let yeah they let them chill for a while after they kicked everybody out they kiic they kicked everyone out that's the best part they were like hey everyone time to leave if you're not friends and family right and I always get nervous when that happens but I've never been kicked out but I always get nervous and I I kicked out one ton night like early on when I was first here but ever since then I've been like people like oh no you can stay now people are leaving the the mses and they they're the last non Comics there he still smacking her [ __ ] they're making out they're making out too this whole time they start making out yeah and the best part is is is they kick them out they're like hey yes have to leave we're closed we've kicked everyone else out and they were like oh we didn't get tickets to the show yeah and they were like they were like throwing up they like but we wanted tickets to the show Well the lady actually the guy was just chilling and he had that like kind of like Dazed boner face on you know like I'm getting [ __ ] some point tonight dude yeah he he he was just thinking he was like it's crazy I'm 60 years old still getting [ __ ] dude he was like dude I never thought I'd be getting [ __ ] this late dude you know what I mean he was just jacked and so she starts like taking Point she yell yeah she took point on the Karen bitchfit and she was like what I don't I can't believe you said we were going to tickets you said if we didn't get tickets that you our drinks were going to be free she was like saying all [ __ ] that was so not true and they were just like the the staff has had had had so much fun with these two at the time I think that they were from watching just how ridiculous they were they were like guys get out of here get out get out of here also wasn't even mad at but also like dude like the dude they were they were so this couple is so horny and so old it's like I hope we're pay a picture from people right I love I like the fact that there's even like being like hey you guys have to leave and the imia thought is like let's just go home and bone is wild cuz it's like hey just do it he's up right now okay he's not going to be able to hold it much long rning out time yeah dude Viagra at most you're in four hours and you've been doing this for one and a half year okay how long has your dick been hard yeah dude just how much time you got left on that pill dude the fact that you're even protesting leave you need you need to go home get you need to get out get on a lime scooter go to the Hilton equ up to the 13th floor and [ __ ] now get a uh get one of those Petty c yeah get us get us get one of those senior ay get one of those like get one of those senior special Ubers whatever those are the handicapped Uber you know what I mean get out him in the back what are you doing here yeah exactly but I love the idea in my mind I go like what would have happened if cuz like they wanted tickets into the showroom oh yeah imagine if that couple is sitting in a comedy show and just like watching the show and they're still like so like sat visibly horny like that and he like like a comedian's like bombing in between the bombs he's like yeah it's the there pling food and all you hear is and he looks out and he can see no one is clapping and he's like where is that sound coming from there's old people [ __ ] in the front row there's a guy slapping his girlfriend's ass imagine if they're just in the showroom so it's like they're like ruining people's jokes he can't stop slapping her ass somebody said that we were sitting with was like there's no way that's first marriage love like that was like totally second marriage love for sure dude yeah you have to restart at 50 if you want that yeah you have to you have to reset if you want that sort of I don't know man that's that's I married for money this time around yeah yeah yeah have you been married before no dude hell have I been married no dude I was in I was in a longterm relationship I did that yeah it he was really bad she was abuser how how did that she was an abuser yeah it was a nightmare I had to get out really I moved to Austin no dud yeah she uh she would like stalk me and attack me no way yeah dude and then uh she [ __ ] all my friends and then oh wow yeah but then she [ __ ] all my friends and then I was like I would date all all comedians too and then I would date non-comics and then she would get mad and we were broken up with that I was seeing non-comics was she a comic she she started doing comedy we dated for six or seven months and then she started doing standup what a [ __ ] cuz it was like she's every Open Mic anyway she might as well just do it she might as well just do it and [ __ ] all the open micers yeah that's just it's exactly what she did it's like all my friends and I was like I guess I have no friends I guess guess she was so hot she was a gorgeous woman terrible person just like awful like you didn't blame your homies you're like I understand dude I know I think they're all terrible people too I think they all suck I think I think they're she was really uh but no yeah and then that happened and I was just like so we we broke up for like practical reasons and then that happened on top of it and then I was going date swimming and she would like stalk them and like she literally stocked me on a date and attacked a woman as she left my house hooked up a lady she left my house she attacked and at this time dude mind you she was hooking up with my friends and she was still stalking and attacking me and then so then it was like this weird it was like we will get back together so you stop attacking people in my life cuz it was just like affecting my social life everything she was doing wow like in comedy not getting spots cuz you had the crazy [ __ ] following around dude she was going into like Chicago had Facebook pages where would be like are we dating the same guyo a has those too I think I've seen she would go in them and she would like submit photos of me to women and she would follow my Instagram every time I added on Instagram dude this stuff I learned after the matter every time I added anyone on Instagram she would like send them messages or like or like stuff like that and then when we ended up getting back together she took my phone at night I I just learned about this like I just talked to one ladies and she texted all the women from my phone being like being like back off I'm here now like it was crazy so we broke up she H up with all my friends I saw non-comics she got mad sent them all threats from my phone stalked me on dates she ruined all your prospects she ruined all my prospects all your prospects while she just kept [ __ ] my friends like what did you do to this woman I literally don't know and I was like it was like the most like it was the most dude she was so funny she recorded the break up on her phone the audio from it and then she sent it to me she was doing one of these she s yeah I didn't realize she sent it to me and I like I play it back and it was just like hey like our lives are really busy I'm super committed to everything comedy right now and you seem to want more attention from me I can't do that I'm trying to have you like I keep asking you to respect my boundaries and like respect my time like I'm loyal to you I'm taking on dates and everything it's just we not seem to work in our lifestyles don't seem to be compatible right now you don't seem to understand what I'm going through I was like going through financial problems and I was like I just like I think I respectfully need to end this and she was like oh yeah and I was like yeah I mean I just like I just don't see this relationship moving forward it was she's talking to you like it's a [ __ ] UFC fight conference [ __ ] you think you're going to [ __ ] break up with me [ __ ] she's like that's crazy she literally she sent me the audio and she's like dude what if what if I sent this to everyone and it was just me being like hey I just respectfully think we need to end this because you don't seem happy in this right now and it's making me unhappy that you're unhappy and I don't want us both to be unhappy like she was trying to cancel you off like being a totally like open and vulnerable guy yeah but that was that was like in the early phrase of the relationship she's like what if I think this but I was like you can you can go go for it sister you totally can no and that was it that was it was wild it was wild that's crazy so I've never been married but I've had a [Music] divorce D I never I just I skipped the honeymoon phase and went straight to nightmare divorce yeah just a two-year nightmare dude it was bad I always say that all my I've only I've only been with like I I don't I don't have a lot of sexual experiences I'm trying to like be more I'm trying to be more vo uh so open yeah I'm trying to be more open and like vulnerable about like just my experience and what makes me different and just try to figure out how to write stuff about that so I can beautiful you know what I mean and one of the things is like I've only had sex with like four people in my life Wow and one of them is my fiance who been with for 11 years but I'm so jealous of that yeah dude this you know I'm so jealous of that this dick ain't free dude I can actually say that as like as like a mid whis kid who is raised like super Christian I'm so mad of the man I've become I'm so mad at all the puss I've smashed dude it's it's dis D I have clo right now I'm not even joking I'm on I'm on my last day of Cl medication no you're not I'm not joking dude no you're not I've been raw dogging [ __ ] in Austin and I'm it's a just dude I'm brother e brother look how disgusting I've become I'm on CIA medic I don't even care I don't even care that it's public knowledge right disgusting I hate the man I become you're like well it's something to talk about on the Pod I hate the man I become deep I'm like well dude thank God this medication ain't free dog but I was I was lucky in that like I was kind of like Goldilocks with all my with all my things where I was like this one I don't care about at all you know what I mean and I'm like this one I like way too much and she doesn't like me at all you know what I mean and like this one's scary and then this one is just right or it's like it was like this one's my first one you know what I mean like this one this one's scary this one and yeah and so it was like I had like there was like a girl that like I was like in love with or whatever at the time and and she was like I'm going to you know I'm not I'm not into I'm not into you like that or whatever and then there was another girl that was like and I like accidentally said the coldest [ __ ] that I've ever said so cool like cuz she was like Hey like well she tried to pregnancy fake pregnancy scare me oh no I she fake pregnancy scared me she like she was like oh my God like we need like leave work like I'll get an abortion but like you have to pay help me pay for it and just like don't leave me to like do this by myself and I was like and I was like oh my God okay okay okay and she was like she this was all I think I'm pregnant stuff right now you know what I mean and then she's like so I leave work I'm like oh my God my whole life is [ __ ] like on the risk of crumbling because this chick sucks I do not want anything to do with this girl long term yeah you're like oh no well and then this what really did it for me was like right before that the Batman shooting happened oh in the movie theaters yeah and she came out and started making a joke like on Facebook like when Facebook was still hot she came out and was like and she like knew all the metal guys and stuff like the area and she was like if it was me like he would couldn't kill enough people or she said something just so [ __ ] dumb just like just a total just a total Miss like trying to be edgy and it was like oh I cannot be associated with this girl so I was already kind of like not I was already not cutting and and then she would like come over and like we would like hook up and then I and then I would be like I have to work early in the morning and I would like give her her keys it was like I wasn't even trying to be I was trying to be transparent you know what I mean like and then so she does the pregnancy scare thing I buy the pregnancy test she just did that cuz she could tell you're on the way out right yeah yeah and so I she did the pregnancy scare thing and so she takes the test and like takes in the bathroom and then she uh apparently pisses on her or whatever and she like comes back out and I was like can I like are we good she's like yeah it's fine it's not it's it was it was it was uh you know uh whatever inconclusive or whatever it's not I'm not pregnant and I was like okay well can I see it and she was like oh I just like already I already like threw it away like like I and and I was like okay this is weird and then after all that it's like she thought that would bring us closer together but I'm just like get this woman away from me and she was like so this is one of my four this is like this is why this is like this is why it's like I'm glad I'm happy with where I'm at right now my girl's not crazy you know what I mean but like this woman was oh God it's so bad no it's just it's just like uh yeah it was just like she was just like very like over the span of like three years like very systemically would like pick apart my social life and it was like the girl you're talking about yeah and yeah and she'd always tell me she' go like and this is like we had broken up and gone back to her twice right under different contexts every time the second time was like I was just trying to keep her happy being like if I can just keep her happy I can like live a normal life but it was like in living in Terror like it was like I was entrapped in this relationship because it was like if I leave she's going to go and make it wor she's going to ruin my life she's going to go and make it worse you'll take the abuse over the life if I stay I'll be unhappy so I just I have to leave this town you were but it was no it was no and she knew that and she and she knew that and then the stage before that was kind of bad too but she would say things like you have no one now you have no friends they're my friends they're oh I got invited to a party used to get invited to comedian parties but now they're inviting me and not you that's crazy and it was like and it was like living in the head space of like and she would tell me that no one trusted me or like no one liked me or like I was talking no one likes you anymore dud or like even early on and so how old you this is like uh a year ago I'm a year out of it oh [ __ ] and but I lived in I lived in the constant head space of like she was like no one likes you so it's like I couldn't go to anyone I feel like I couldn't go to anyone and or like or like oh there's this party you're not invited cuz no one likes you and so like I would go out and I I kind of became like this manic mess where like if you did like me before you definitely didn't like me and like the last you st trusting everybody I didn't trust anyone and I would go to op mik's and I want all I wanted to do was comedy and I just like it was like just all the comedians I would just look out and it' be like oh it was like I just didn't I felt gross I felt like I was being like judged on a very personal level all of a sudden that [ __ ] and then I came to Austin my comedy immediately became like silly again and I was like oh I'm back dude yeah hell yeah but yeah after start having fun again after that I started I started plowing through you started getting cyia left and right I go you know no I've had it once I've had it once which is just enough to know that you're cool dude now I'm definitely not cool then now that I've had one now that I've had one I go all right I've done it now I'm good now I got to find a wife yeah now I want to settle you you just go until you have chyia that's like playing a surv it's like playing pubg like playing Survival Gia only lasts a week okay I don't know I've never had an STD oh yeah no so CL it's like it's like uh it'd be like getting like an infection like like like an infected cut on your arm oh yeah you take antibiotics yeah you take antibiotics and it goes away in the week and then you don't have your pants for a week or whatever and then not at all I haven't I haven't done that nice oh yeah I watch I do have a diaper on you do have a diaper on this whole time dude yeah no I yeah so I've Quia oh do I do I have a little bit of the quiddy media quiddy media a little bit of Quia oh wait but to finish the the thing goes away in a week anyway the thing I accidentally said to this girl that was like like I'm not a womanizer I've had four I've had I've had you know what I mean it is pretty sick now now it's like it's come full Circ it's like bell bottoms like they were cool and then they're not cool and then they're cool again or whatever you know what I mean it's like like fashion phases it's like now it's cool now I'm 30 I'm like yeah it's cool dude yeah yeah I saved myself basically for all you [ __ ] was that the line you said you like Bottoms no dude no what I said to her was she was so after she like fake pregnancy scares me she does this [ __ ] Judo you know Juke on me if it's a fake pregnancy scare I'm like in a whirlwind she goes yeah just like feel like all we do is like hook up and then I like leave and like I just feel like you're really cool and I we should like go to dinner and stuff and do that whole thing and I was like oh very reasonable thing to ask yeah but but I had made it clear I was like I was like well if the sex is confusing you we don't have to do that [Laughter] anymore was just I was just trying to say like the most like like the most polite cordial like real thing and she goes she goes yeah yeah I totally agree like yeah friend zone for now and we'll see what happens and I was like okay yeah but just so we're clear we're breaking up I friend Zed you just so we're clear I just I you can't you can't you can't like check try to Checkmate a check mate I the captain now I'm the captain of this one I I had spent my whole you know liking girls career throughout masculinity throughout yeah throughout my whole career of like having crushes on girls just constantly friendzone dude I was I was when a good friend when every every like seventh grade boy is this dude I was such a good friend I was everyone's where's friends everyone's friend and then it was like all right and I'm not a guy that pushes the you know what I mean as soon as you tell me we're friends I'm like [ __ ] all right fine we're just friends you know what I mean but it's like but it cuz that that's just embarrassing just like [ __ ] you know trying to throw pain at a [ __ ] wall you know what I mean like you're just like [ __ ] I'm just trying to like you're trying to hook up with the same girl that's just totally unin for me when they say that you're your friend it's like you know my the crush dies for me oh I don't even have that dude I I'm I love having woman friends just I'm pretty good at it I'm pretty good at just I I feel like especially after I went through like even before I like I'm cool with just being like friends with the woman it doesn't affect me yeah uh is there sometimes attraction sure but like it's fine yeah I I think that's been a beautiful thing about being in a relationship for a long time that I'm really secure in where I'm like it's fun hang out with with with people like I don't want to name drop anybody but like there's friends in the comedy scene that I have that are like I'm so platonic with them and we're totally cool but like all the other Comics are like you can see they like rabid dogs trying to [ __ ] this girl and they're and you're just like d I'm just like dude like to me so uning I'm like whoa dude like I'm like what's up you know we're just I fist bump girls and these other guys are like hey hey what up I like your outfit yeah the [ __ ] out when I see someone is that in the scene and it's not something they did it's the horny man that did it but just as a result I just go like I don't even want it like it's like I don't even want this trouble because best case you do get with them now every guy who is that is now like oh I'm jealous of you and now they hate you they resent you for having sex with pretty or even worse they resent you for being like you're the one you're the one and then you're like and then all the guys are mad at you they're like well he sucks cuz I'm funnier than him I can't believe he and then and now you're the bad so it's like you can't win and that's so I'm just like I'm just like I'm but I'm the one friend zoning you yeah yeah let the record show here that was the funny that was that was the funny moment for me just as a as a career friend zone as a career being friendzoned guy I was like my moment and she was trying to like she was trying to take baxis she was trying she was trying to go yeah yeah yeah you're totally right friend zone for now and I'm like yeah you're in the friend zone just so we're clear about who's going into the friend zone on this one this is you honey this is the gender rolls are switched on this one dude I had that happen I had a uh uh I don't a lady hit me up and she was like she was like what are you doing right now and I was like oh it's 2: a.m. I don't know I'm out and she was like oh you're still out and I was like yeah are you out and she was like I'm in by myself and I was like oh yeah and she was like home alone if only I had some company and I was like no way I I'm not joking and I was like and I was like maybe we could arrange something and then I thought about it and I was like this person's kind of like around the comedy commun I probably don't want to do that [ __ ] where you eat a little bit and then and then she was like she was like well my bed's my my my bed's big enough for two and then she had a photo of like her legs in the bed and I was like and then I like I kind of thought about it and I was like I know hey I thought about it I really don't want to do anything with anyone even like around comedy I'm just uninterested in this and she goes oh my gosh what did you think no I just wanted to have like a late night conversation like why would you even think that and I was like and I was like no no no I caught you being horny no I C you horned up and I said no [ __ ] you no I'm no I'm rejecting you don't you flip this on me dude I'm the one saying no to sex I'm reting she tried to go e no and she was like she was like I think you just met this I was just like joking around trying to be funny with you and I was like no you weren't you were horny for me and I'm not interested and that hurts your [ __ ] morale yeah doesn't that suck to be you huh ooh this doesn't happen to you very often does it o I wanted to keep it professional and you're going to now think you're going to make me the creep dude and she was like she was like why would you even think no I just want to like oh my God and I'll be like yeah I just want to keep professional she goes yeah that's all I wanted why would you even think otherwise and I was like you showed me your legs in bed and you're like my bed is big enough for two like like you asked me at 2 am what I was doing I barely know you and there's plenty of gay dudes in this [ __ ] Community you can hit up plenty of gay dudes you know if you wanted some company you could have called Dylan Carino yeah dude the way would not have answered this call Hees care he would he would went I love him too yeah he's cool he was just in here the other day but I just like it's like he would have been like e no get some friends [ __ ] that's what he would have said and then and then in that case she go no I thought I thought you were horny she reverses it with him oh yeah yeah yeah no I was just like I was just like shut up shut up the the mental gymnastics I'm friendzoning you yeah that yes I'm friendzoning you dude I turned into a Batman v I was like I've caught you Hardy I see maybe that's the [ __ ] maybe that's the title of this episode I'm friendzoning you I'm friend zoning you gooning in the friend zone gooning in the friend zone yeah there you go there you go gooning in the friend zone yeah dude it made me it made me so mad cuz I was like dude I got to reject a woman I was like I'm going to do the thing the Holy Grail you looking at your phone and you're like in a you're like outside at Creek and this is happening or something and you're just like this is my chance I get the [ __ ] friend you look down at your dick your dick's like not tonight bro you're like not you're like oh [ __ ] yes I get to [ __ ] friend on a chick tonight yes and then and she steals your [ __ ] Glory dude dude it I was like I just wanted to be like be like you like I wanted be like oh man that's unfortunate or like oh I get it but she was like no why would we even why like don't even try to Gaslight me yeah don't you even try to do this right and then you know that like that you know that she's like she's sitting in the car on the way to work the next day just no cuz what no cuz cuz she has five other guys that she sent that message to sure yeah you know yeah she was throwing out [ __ ] seed for the birds yeah dude she was she was yeah it was 2 a.m. she goes all right not this comic there's a there's another showcase open mic right here that'll [ __ ] me I look over the guy next to me he's like dude I'm to go [ __ ] this she's like he's like Yo dude thanks I know I'm like do do do want to like Rex it's like when you drop a show you're like yeah but I can refer to someone else if you need someone else like like the the chuckle [ __ ] chicks just become like a like they become Bookers but for their [ __ ] I'm good but my boy Brent might be do you want me to do you want me to ask if you can do do you like people from the South hey hey Brent Brent can you run 10 hey Brent do you have do you have a tight three yeah hey Brent can you run time yeah you got I'll light you at one it's just a two minute set you finish like dude I sorry I thought I saw the [Laughter] light you're just you're just in the window like instead of a Peeping Tom just pop up and hit the flashlight on your phone all right that's my time you're like I don't know if he saw it I don't know if he saw the light dude I I think the blinds are down I don't think he saw the light like oh my gosh that was a great that was a great run yeah can I clip that for Instagram clip that for my only fans Open Mic your bust in two they do that cuz you have to like that's so funny like it's so funny that as stand up comedians were like we live in this terrible clip culture you have to clip up every set meanwhile porn stars are like I have to clip up every [ __ ] yeah like God I need somebody to [ __ ] POV [ __ ] me so I can get a clip on the on the on the only fan like hey man can you can you caption my sex tape I'm sorry I need to put this on Instagram and it helps the retention rate they're getting out [ __ ] they're like they being like dude oh everyone's doing crowd work now they're doing gang bangs like everyone's doing crowd work now really I can't keep up with this yeah my material's not enough yeah my moves are not enough yeah dude back in my day you just [ __ ] suck dick now we have to go full penetration now we have to make fun of the chat yeah imagine you've got some girls legs up in this live stream this has to have happened somewhere on some kind of the SE version of crowd workor is where it's like they're just making it so easy just doing that yeah but I just picture like some guy [ __ ] on a live stream on one of these apps and he's just like he's like yeah it is tight thanks thanks uh you know [ __ ] bot 69 hell yeah for that's what for the donation caming is literally a thing that's crazy I'm dud I don't don't do it I'm friends with someone who's a cam girl how I know them I can't get clo because it's embarrassing for your [ __ ] on the internet no I'm not not at all not at all my [ __ ] is not on the internet as far as I know okay I've never done anything I I'm platonic friends with the cam girl okay like just friends we've like hunt out in person thr times like with a group of friends and uh I know them through a mutual friend and they were like they always pitched this person as someone who was like very nerdy and lame and I met them and I was like what do you do and they're like oh I do a lot of streaming and I was like oh twitch cuz I was like you're a nerd and they're like yeah on fans only fans ripoff I'm a cam girl and I was like oh it's crazy how my friend that introduced us didn't bring up the most important detail of your life the most the most interesting about you were you like was this before you were platonic with her you were like maybe going to were no we were only ever platonic oh okay yeah I can't I don't want to embarrass other people I'll tell you afterwards but yeah it was it was one of those things and now I I don't want to it's all right I feel bad for this person we can pivot it's all right they might move to Austin and they're they know like twitch streamers and they're like I know twitch streamers I can introduce you to Twitch streamers and I was like I don't want you to do that yeah cuz there they're cuz the reason why you have wealthy friends isn't because of your content it's because of your content but they're not it's not the content of your character yeah yeah I want to be like I be like dude cuz if you introduce me they're going to be like who the [ __ ] is this guy be like the porn star friend and you don't want that you do kind of have like a good like 80s porn star look with the mustache for sure I was molded by the dark I feel like when I met you you didn't have the mustache I didn't the mustache is new and then you and then I saw on the on the internet like a month and a half after hanging that you had the mustache and I was like yeah I was like go man the the mustache comes and goes it's like it's like a weekly thing it'll come and go by the week yeah yeah you kind of look like Morgan Walmart dude all right all right I'm kidding all right okay well do we uh do you have anything else you want to talk about do you want to wrap this I think we could probably wrap this up how long we been going Tony hour and eight oh [ __ ] yeah that's perfect I got you got to get out of here all right well uh Matt why don't you plug your [ __ ] in the camera dude yeah uh on YouTube I have a silly it's a standup comedy game show called The Ultimate comedy competition two episodes are out it's a passion project I've lost so much money on the show uh so subscribe to my YouTube so I can monetize and uh check out the altimate comedy competition or at Instagram mattor banwart B an w r t [ __ ] yeah dude well you're awesome dude thank you for coming short notice no D no problem coming to hang out I think we ripped a great pod you guys thanks for tuning in to another episode of the gorast please like And subscribe I know we've been pretty IR regular me and Tony have been talking about ways that Tony can whip me into shape to keep me on track here so um it's on me mainly though but um we're going to get uh back on the consistent grind here you guys so uh thank you for sticking with us and uh we'll see you in the next one bye you are listening to gcast you idiot

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